Guardian Vampire: The story of Edward Cullen
by Jaxalie
Summary: A serise of one shots set when Edward is watching Bella sleep on different nights. His thoughts on his situation, Bella and the life he is forced to live in. Edward POV. R&R. Currently -- Monster Like Me
1. Never to Dream

**A/N: This is the first time I've written for Twilight. so... yeah. I got struck by inspiration and had to write. I only read the series three weeks ago (I Finished it in two weeks)**** and saw the Movie last week.(Robert Pattinson is quite fine.) when reading the books (and watching the movie) I found myself drawn very much to the character of Edward, I think he's the one that intrigues me most because he's extremely complex compared to Bella. And who doesn't love a good complex tortured soul? so. here. I'd appreciate some comment feedback please =]**

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**Never to dream**

I waited silently, the wordless breaths of an eternally damned soul the only things stirring a sound within the confines of this small resting place. I watched and I waited, waited for her to speak, to move. Her smell assaulted my senses harshly, causing the overwhelming burning within my throat to pulse, to ignite. If she only knew the danger I put her in right now. Would her sweet scent still smell the same? Or would it be laced with fear?

Fear for the demon that perched lightly at her feet.

Isabella Swan. Her name screamed to me like a sirens call, causing the very hairs on the back of my cold, un-dead neck to stand perfectly on end. How could one small insignificant girl turn my whole existence upside down? She jeopardised the very things that made me less a monster than any others of my kind.

I could feel her blood pulsing wetly just beneath her pale skin, could see the slight movements that it caused, the ripple effect. Her heart beat filled my ears, pounding in my head like the melody to a song that only I, Edward Cullen could hear.

Did she realise how close I'd come to killing her so many times before?

No matter what I tried, Bella was always on my mind, plaguing my thoughts; I couldn't escape the new primal emotions she caused within my cold dead heart. I wanted to protect her from everything. I wanted to rip out her throat at the same time.

Conflicted thoughts raged heavily on my mind for hours on end whilst I watched her sleeping. I knew I posed more danger to her than any other being on God's green earth, but still the thought of leaving her, my sweet temptation to whatever other fate that could befall her made my venom raise and fill any crevice it could within the contours of my mouth. I could not ever leave Bella. I was selfish. Call it some form of sick masochism, but Bella brought out too many raw emotions within myself to just be forgotten.

She was a puzzle. She was a mystery. She was so intriguing to me I could hardly keep from waking her at this moment to beg her for some insight into the workings of her silent mind. She was driving me insane. The bloodlust I felt for her was almost nothing compared to the curiosity that she inspired.

Over 90 years as a vampire and not once had I encountered one being that I could not see every dark corner of their minds, so how was it that now when I looked at her, all I heard was the steady rhythm of that beating heart, and the pulsations of her speeding blood. To say I was frustrated would be a mild use of the term. After so long of knowing everything, it was almost too hard to acknowledge that with her I knew next to nothing.

Who was this girl? And why the hell did I feel this constant need to be near her every moment of every day?

I shook my head as her nightly mumblings began, maybe just once between the sighed mutters of my name and the nonsense dribble of badly strung sentences, there might come a moment where the explanation for this giant question mark that poised above her head. Until that moment, here I would sit, watching her silently dreaming.

Yet another thing I found myself longing to be able to do, but knew I never would.

For to dream one had to be able to sleep, and I could never sleep, would never sleep, Doomed for all eternity to remain in the land of conscious thought, like all the others of my kind. Every hour of everyday I could not escape the thoughts of complete strangers, I felt mentally incapacitated at times, never given a moment to think for myself without others entering my mind too.

Yet Bella's silence was the only thing that caused me distress, I was used to the petty thoughts of normal humans. Bella would never be a normal human.

Her deep brown locks twisted messily over the soft white pillow, her lips parted lightly in a sigh. Her arms slung carelessly above her head. I had never seen anything of more beauty than this innocent girl. Even in sleep nothing could cover how truly young she was. I suppose that was part of the reasons I felt the need to protect her constantly from the evils of this world. The idea that such innocence could be lost and destroyed with the use of one wrong word or sentence said by one mindless human dolt who walked the Earth, I couldn't bare to think how it would destroy her.

Bella was something that was beyond all the other normal human girls. She didn't deserve anything to ruin what could be her happy existence. Yet it seemed even fate had it out for her, her constant clumsy ways causing her near death too many times to count. Maybe that was it, she was too beautiful for this world and now the Gods had decided they wanted her back for themselves.

Well they'd have to come through me first. I'd move heaven and hell to make sure Bella lived. A world without her would seem incomplete. I couldn't allow something like her to be taken from this place.

Perhaps this was why I felt drawn to her, she needed me. Maybe this was my purpose. To protect her from the powers that worked so hard against us

A Vampire guardian.

Oh the irony. I felt the ever-present urge to kill her, and yet I was supposed to be the one to save her. Talk about double standards. I only hoped she could see it my way, Lord knew Bella could be stubborn when she wanted, and convincing her I was not about to kill her (willingly), could prove exceedingly difficult at the best of times. Considering the party I was about to try convincing… well I had the sneaking suspicion that it was not about to make my job any easier.

If only I could be sure that she wouldn't run screaming from my confession to being an undead fiend, as so many would. I fought a chuckle. Who was I kidding? Bella was the most unlikely person in the world, she'd probably run towards me rather than away. I frowned again. That would make my job difficult too. I was not safe for her; I was liable to cause her so much pain. How could I convey that to her at the same time as conveying to her just how much I didn't want her to think that?

I shut my eyes for a moment, sighing deeply. This would require much more time spend pondering.

Time. Nothing to me, I had all the time in the world. It was Bella I had to worry for. Whilst I would live forever, never changing, never ageing. Bella Swan would grow old and die. Just the thought of that and I knew my heart couldn't take it, not now, not in 60 years. I could never ever come to terms with that fact, nor would I ever want to.

Alice had said her destiny was sealed. Only two paths left, both requiring sacrifices. The question I now had to ask was which one would I be strong enough to pursue with her? And which one would lead to her untimely death.

Bella moved and my throat burned.


	2. Monster Like Me

**A/N** well i decided to continue on with these Edward oneshots, just a few coz they are fun. they should be set over various nights when he watches Bella sleep. so... yes Read and Review please. =]

_**Monster Like Me**_

I was playing with very dangerous fire I knew it. But again I found myself in the one place I swore I wouldn't return to. I couldn't help it, my will power was almost completely grounded, the need to see her, to hear her heartbeat and feel the burn caused by the scent of her blood was like a raging drug, too strong to control the urges. I was weak and I knew it, but I couldn't stay away, especially now that she knew.

How she'd figured it out was beyond me. In 90 years, no one had ever discovered the monster in me. No human had figured it out; sure they'd had suspicions but never actually placed a name to the face of the beast.

Vampire.

She'd said the word without the breath of fear I had suspected, like it were the most natural thing in the world, an everyday occurrence. I shook my head in almost disappointment. Had she run screaming it might have made my life easier… Too much to hope for me, when was my life ever easy?

Emmett had once commented that he thought my life was just one big spiral of rotten down luck. We'd all laughed and I'd continued on with my music, brushing off his brutish manner with no notice to just how true his teasing could prove to be. How stupid I felt now, facing the very thing that could mean the destruction of myself, the creature that God had chosen as my death, my own personal reaper.

Made sense that I'd be the one to fall in love with death.

Love. The notion was foreign to me and yet this frail creature still managed to elite the most exquisite emotions from the pit of my black heart. I know love had to exist, but the notion that I could find it myself was almost laughable. I'd been alone for so long.

Bella shifted in her slumbers causing a small waft of sent to flow my way. I revelled in the burn a sure sign that she was alive still. The memories of what those monsters had felt towards her this night made my blood boil. The idea that my Bella could have lost her evident innocence, and most likely her life at the hands of such beasts caused a flash of fear and pain unlike any I'd felt before to crush into my heart like a thousand tons of brick. It took all my strength not to go back in search for those men and finish them myself. But Carlisle had already taken care of them so the point would be lost.

I rubbed furiously at my eyes to clear away the images I saw there. The things they imagined doing. Bella's body exposed to the light in ways that no one but her lover should ever see. It made me sick…. Yet at the same time a small thrill ran though me at the thought of being the one to see her that way for real. It was sick and it was wrong but I imagined running my hands over her warm skin and feeling the blood pulse hot beneath my finger tips and the thin layers of her snow like satin skin. I imagined running my lips over the hollow of her ear, down the thin line of her neck to stop softly over her collar bone. I imagined kissing my way over her body, only stopping to revel in the small moans that I dreamed I could extract from her plush lips. Her scent was intoxicating, but in new, exciting ways. I wanted her in so many ways. None of which in that moment involved the want of her blood. No. I wanted Bella in many other ways, stronger than the blood lust. I wanted her in ways that could never ever be. Not if she wanted to stay alive.

I could never guarantee her safety. If for one moment I lost my control then Isabella Swan would be dead.

That could never happen. I had to make sure of it.

The best thing would be for me to leave and I knew it. But I also knew that if I did leave it wouldn't be long before I wound up back here, watching her sleep peacefully. I'd tried to escape before and that had not worked, I was weak. Incredibly weak, but the idea that I had finally found something to live for and left it behind for fear of my own cowardice was unbearable even to me. No, I would stay. I would just have to be careful. Less so now that she knew the truth, but still just as careful.

She could never know the extent of my feelings for her.

"Edward…" her soft voice cut through the silence like a knife through butter, hitting straight in my heart. Had I been human, I was sure it would have been thumping erratically in the moment that my name spilled pleasantly from her lips. I loved the way it rolled off her tongue, clear as a bell even in sleep. It made me smile vividly to know that she cared for me in such a way that would enable her to dream about me each night, without the hint of horror. I frowned slightly. She knew what I was and didn't care.

She didn't leave. She still dreamt of me. She couldn't possibly understand the danger I presented, I could destroy her life with the wave of my hand.

Yet the way she reacted to me, her increased heartbeat, her constant blush, it was baffling. These things hadn't deteriorated at all, if anything they grew stronger. This girl looked danger in the eye and lusted for it. Yes she could very well prove to be the death of me.

The question was did it matter? I would still want her in all the ways I had never wanted someone before. I would still revel in the sound of my name from her lips and I would still enter her room each night and watch her sleep. I was sure of that.

Call me stupid. But somehow I knew I would always want to be with Bella. She was, god forbid I use the word, the most likely person to be my soul mate. If I had such a thing I would be sure that my heart would forever be hers, even if she did not care for me the way I did her, she would hold it, I wished I could say the same both ways. She could offer me her soul but I could never give her mine. That was my curse, there would always be a part of me that I could never give her because it was something that I knew I'd lost a long time ago, and yet I knew that I would forever belong to her. Even if she didn't want me, she would have me. But if she asked me to leave, I knew I would.

Part of me wished she would command me away, just so I couldn't be there to harm her in any way. I could not let myself become no better than those men from the alley, but if I stayed I saw no other path. If I took her soul then she would be damned for eternity like me, if I killed her I would destroy my own world, and if by some miracle this worked then she would be happy for the rest of her life and the only one heartbroken at the end of her long life would be me.

I knew that it would likely never work. But that didn't mean I couldn't try and make it.

As long as Bella breathed, I would be happy. I would stay by her either way.

Her willing slave for life.

I smiled ruefully at the thought. I would adore serving one such as her. She was the most beautiful creature ever to grace the Earth; in more ways than one she was a goddess among men and beasts. Carefully I brushed a lock of her beautiful mane to one side, tucking it behind her ear, careful not to touch her with my icy fingers for too long. Still a shiver ran over her skin, at the same time as a small smile graced her lips.

Could she honestly sense it was me? Did she realise I was real and with her? Or did she believe it part of her dreams?

Either way, I knew that I was sure of three facts. Bella Swan knew I was a dangerous vampire. She didn't care for the first fact. And I was one hundred percent sure that I was madly and deeply in love with her for that.

She was my world. The most extraordinary being, so good that she saw people for what they wanted to be rather than for the monsters that they could not hide they were.

Monsters like me.


End file.
